But I told her that I loved her
by alyssacousland
Summary: Bull confesses his love to his Inquisitor. And they lived happily ever after?


_**A/N: I kind of realized I got my muse back. Not completely, but she has stirred…albeit mildly. Time to take advantage before she wakes up entirely to run off again! If I succeed in getting her to stay, I'm going to write a series of drabbles, er…driblets…Ummm…one-shots…whatever you want to call them! I'm not picky! LOL! **_

_**If the amount of one-shots gets to be too much, I'll put them all under a title (like a cozy little book) and name the whole thing: Kadan: The Complete Story of the Iron Bull and the Inquisitor. For the time being though, I'll just write each one-shot separately, as they come.**_

_**People who know me know that I hate writing about sad things, especially unhappy endings. But this little bunny hopped inside my mind for some time and BEGGED to be written out…so…here it is! **_

_**My infinite thanks to Lady Callia for her wonderful editing skills and constant support! And to all my wonderful Facebook friends for believing in me! LOVE YOU GUYS! **_

My disclaimer as usual: Bioware owns everything!

But I told her that I loved her – by AlyssaCousland

I remember she was nervous and anxious the day we set out for the ruins in Haven to finally face the shit-face Elder One and obliterate him from this world. I had a bone or two to pick with that thing, so I was actually looking forward to it. That time in the Fade with the Nightmare guy? Not fun.

We had made love – _yes,_ _MADE LOVE, NOT had sex_ – the night before and holding her in my arms had never felt so good. Then she had talked about not making it out alive and I had told her Katoh. I would _NOT_ allow that if I was still breathing. That thing would _NOT_ take her away from me.

It was the first night she told me that she loved me.

All the emotions I felt rushed up and hit me hard after she said those words. I was speechless, unable to say anything for a few moments. I felt what true happiness was for the first time in my life. But I did what I always did back then: Reply to those words with a joke, with what I thought was a witty remark.

I wasn't proud of what I said and immediately wished I could take it back.

_I wish I could have taken it back._

"You going soft on me, Kadan?"

Her reaction was unexpected. I really thought she would hit me or something, but she just looked away. The sadness in her frown got to me. I saw she was blinking repeatedly and I knew she was blinking back the tears.

The sadness that welled up inside me was new. But I was half expecting it. After all, what I felt for her was something I had never felt before, but it was time to deal with it. It was time to knock down the final wall around my heart.

I touched her face, caressed it tenderly, and gently turned her so she was facing me again.

And I told her that I loved her.

…

The Breach was no more, but the Inquisition remained – powerful and silently forever present. She was still called upon, A LOT, to settle arguments or solve problems the nobles had. Of course, since they were nobles, they would always come crying to her for solutions to their problems – even if their problems were stupid. Well, they were _ALWAYS_ stupid.

She would come to bed late some nights and I would offer her what she wanted, as always. But on those nights I would hold her in my arms so she could feel safe until she fell asleep. The world was demanding a great deal from her, so I was her rock. I was her port of safety and she could use or abuse me whenever she wanted to.

I was ready to do whatever she wanted. She didn't even need to speak. I knew exactly what she wanted.

Ben-Hassrath, remember?

…

I remember the day she had our son. I watched her holding him afterwards as he greedily fastened his small mouth on one of her nipples. I had never seen such a beautiful thing before.

Something was running down my cheek and I was surprised to discover that what was running down my cheek was a tear. Wait, what? The fucking, ass-kicking Iron Bull, _crying_?

Yep.

And she beamed up at me while she was breast-feeding our son.

OUR SON.

Our son stared up at his mother with a very angry look while he suckled her breast. It made me laugh and I felt so proud I was a father. But when I reached over to touch him, he took my finger in his tiny fist and squeezed.

He was already a strong, little warrior.

And the tears started all over again.

My son.

Then I leaned forward and kissed her forehead gently. She smiled sleepily up at me and the healer that had helped during the birthing process told me firmly that she needed to rest and ordered me to leave the room.

Reminded me of Vivienne. Reminded me of my Tamassran.

But before I left the room, I looked at the mother of _my child_. Kissed her softly on the lips.

And I told her that I loved her.

…

I should have known there were two hired assassins in Skyhold. I had discovered one of them and put a permanent stop to him. I never again used that weapon because the blood on it disgusted me. He had been hired to kill my love.

Yep. _My love_.

So once he was gone, I breathed a little easier. I made the mistake of relaxing.

One can never be too careful.

I was Ben-Hassrath once, remember? It seemed like it was such a long time ago, though. A lifetime away.

I spent more time playing with our children when I wasn't out on a mission killing things. My son was six, my daughter three. My son's horns were already starting to peek out from the top of his head. My daughter's horns were non-existent. But I figured that they would probably start growing when she was six, too.

Then, one day when we were walking hand in hand on the battlements, I stopped and took her in my arms to kiss her.

"Hey, Kadan," I smirked. "We've never done it here."

My lovely Inquisitor wrinkled her perfect nose and looked up, a lopsided smile on her face.

One of the guards appeared suddenly from the door on the far end of the battlements, but even though I could see him moving towards us, I had my full attention on her.

"You're crazy, Bull!" she laughed. "The battlements?"

Then the 'guard' took a dagger out and before I could readily realize what was happening, stabbed her in the back.

I was told later that the roar I gave out was heard all over Skyhold and beyond. It was my heart roaring out. Roaring out my anger. Roaring out my infinite pain. I grabbed the assassin and flung him over the battlements to the courtyard below.

I should have known.

The signs were all there.

I should have known.

I was Ben-Hassrath once…

I took her in my arms and held her close as I ran to get the healer. I could hear her gasping for breath as I ran. I never believed in anything, was not a religious man, but I confess I thought of the Maker at that moment.

"Bull," she gasped. "Bull…I…"

"Don't talk. We must get to the healer."

I looked down and saw her skin was turning blue and red angry blotches were starting to appear all over her face. I knew right then and there that the blade had been poisoned.

"Bull," she gasped again, and I stopped running to hear what she was trying to say, my heart in my mouth. "Take care of our children. Love them."

The tears started. I couldn't hold them back.

"Make them…feel safe…"

"I will," I whispered, holding her tightly.

She died in my arms, just as the healer arrived out of breath.

She died with a smile on her lips.

But before she died, I told her that I loved her.

Forever.

…


End file.
